Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
