You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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