Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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