He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
