dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this will be a night to untag.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
