Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize