Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
