Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize