got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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