Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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