Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
