Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
