please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
