Pass out mid-funnel last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
