i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize