hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
