You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
