whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
