First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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