Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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