Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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