she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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