So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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