I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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