Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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