my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
