yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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