Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
