I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Boobs speak an international language.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
