He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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