Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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