He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
