i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
