saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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