the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
