When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
