my mouth tastes like poor choices
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
