I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how drunk are you?
Several
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
