When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
