you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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