tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
