Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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