dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
