bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
