This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
