Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
