weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
