I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
