Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
