I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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