Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
