I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
