"it" just moved
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
