I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This baby is an asshole
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
