I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
