Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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