im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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