thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
