is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
