If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize