If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
