i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
