i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
