I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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