I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
