I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
