I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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