You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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