I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
