Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
