I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
