I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
