Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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